Instant Social Proof of the Vampire

Wherein your humble rhino is again approached by a stranger bearing great tidings

I hate to say that skepticism is perhaps the most useful tool you have in your writer's toolbox, but it will certainly save you from a lot of heartache. Skepticism about one's own brilliance, for example, helps develop the necessary, detached, critical eye needed to edit. Skepticism about a character's motivations, their actions, their words, and their taste in romantic partners can enrich the page ("would Caroline really fall so hard for a sardine speculator? Where's that red pencil...") And then of course, skepticism that the lovely, grand, flattering, heart-swelling email that landed in your inbox is your ticket to fame, fortune, and accolades.

While mucking out the Spam folder, I turned over this gem. Please note that the book "Amanda" is fluttering over is not available for sale, has not been available for at least a decade, and has not actually sold in that intermediate time. I'm talking about One Last Quest which is indeed on the writing desk right now, one more plate being spun, and which, I hope, will a much stronger second edition than the first, just by virtue of the passage of time and my experience.

In the past, I've had a dialogue, but this piece of AI-generated puffery is so flattering, and so sly, and most importantly, so patently fake, that I'm not even going to engage. Before it's blasted to bits, I'm dropping it in here as another warning sign for others. The 🚩markers are my own inmost rhino-y thoughts.

🧛 From: Amanda from Author Show <amanda.falconbooknook@gmail.com>

🚩 Free email accounts, the very best sign of a legitimate business that you should totally trust with your money. /sarcasm

Subject: One Last Quest Media Launch // Falcon BookNook
To: hello@puzzledrhino.com

Hi Michael,

I recently came across your book, *One Last Quest*, and was absolutely
delighted by your brilliant, laugh-out-loud satirical approach to the
fantasy genre. By balancing Rosalind's forced adventure against hilarious
elements like gnome-owners associations, psycho princesses, and
questionable theater, your book perfectly targets readers who devour
comedic fantasy, cozy adventures, and sharp genre parodies. Our literary
community loved your humorous tropes, and one reader jokingly asked: *"As
someone who deals with neighborhood politics, I have to know: are
gnome-owners associations actually more dangerous than the mortal perils
lurking in the wild valleys?"*

  🚩 All very lovely words, of course, AI-digested directly from the book description on Goodreads. This is classic AI patter-and-flatter.

To build your permanent digital brand, we utilize a streamlined *5-step
media pipeline*. First, we host you for a private, 30-minute Zoom studio
session to discuss your writing career. From there, our sound crew handles
full audio mastering, our editors extract a complete text transcription,
and our writers craft a polished journalistic feature article spotlighting
your journey. Finally, we publish the feature permanently on
*FalconBookNook.org* and syndicate it out to *national USA news networks*
to secure your permanent, page-one Google search authority.

  🚩 Translation: AI. 

There is absolutely no way an entire media team is going to be involved for an indie author like this. It's a fine dream! But if this magical Zoom session happens at all, it's an AI transcription, probably using Zoom's own tools. But I doubt that, because that costs money.

This is the setting of the hook. Once you nibble, they start to reel it in.  

As an exclusive bonus for launching this week, we are including a
*complimentary Reader Review Feature*. We will share digital summary highlights of your
book with our core fantasy and humor network, gather their raw, heartfelt
reactions, and embed a dedicated "Reader Spotlight" directly inside your
national news article for instant social proof. 

 🚩 "Instant social proof?" What even is this? My guess: a spammy Instagram account, maybe a Twitter X post. Low-effort and cheap. And what are these "digital summary highlights?" Another vampire that made my acquaintance wanted me to send them the whole PDF of the manuscript. Adorable! Also: no.

To cover this entire technical execution, including the live studio engineering, professional
feature writing, and national wire distribution, there is a *one-time
production layout fee* with zero recurring costs.

🚩🚩🚩 Ding ding ding ding! A "one time" fee that will either be criminally high, somehow become a multi-time fee, or, skeptic hat on, both.

If this permanent SEO strategy aligns with your goals, simply reply to let
us know you are ready to proceed. Our billing department will send over
your formal production invoice and secure check-out link for the
participation fee. Once that is completed, you will receive our digital
calendar link to select the absolute best date and time for your studio
session.

Warm regards,
*Amanda* Editorial & Media Team

🚩 To recap:

1. We will AI transcribe a Zoom meeting
2. We will spam people with it
3. We will process your manuscript with AI 
4. AI, AI, AI, AI
5. Also: scam 

---

It's darling, isn't it? If it wasn't so slimy, that is. Their site is also full of whoppers, with the same (low) attention to detail I've seen on other similar templates. Oh, and the domain is brand new. And their "phone" is an anonymous message app. And there's just so, so, so much wrong with it, once you look at the details.

Be skeptical. There are no free lunches, nobody (sadly) wants to knock down the door for you unsolicited like this. Legit publishers are practically drowning in manuscripts right now: why would they ever go looking for more? It doesn't add up. 

Bonus Content Where This Site Just Embarrasses Itself

Even the camera can't decide what to focus on here. Light/pen/book... I don't even understand that pen.

This is not how glasses work. The closer I look, the more wrong they are. Like, super-long earpieces, nose pads... are these for a horse?

This is not how notebook covers work. Or any book. "Yeah, good enough. Let's start spamming some writers." 🚩