Interviews With Vampires

There's a legend that says that the ones who got richest in the California gold rush sold shovels. I can confirm that as soon as I've released aanything, someone is right there waiting to shovel me under an unbelievable opportunity. True to my grizzled rhino nature, I don't believe them a bit.

I determined that TikTok felt too much like trying to roller-skate along a highway, so what social media I've done is limited to Instagram. The platform has been through its heyday as a social media darling, and since it was originally focused on still photos, I find IG more manageable and more "me." The pace is a better fit for me.

File this under "writer beware." Becoming an author is not at all a guarantee of fiscal success. We do it because we love it (usually) and not because it will make us rich beyond measure. But there's folks happy to sell us a shovel service and they're hanging out on both the social media highways, and the sleepier old byways. Here's a few conversations I've had recently from folks keen to make sure I've got a shiny, shiny shovel polished with promises

Specific handles obscured and links removed.

Episode I: "The wonders that your page will experience"


🧛: Hey! 😊 Really awesome profile 😍🙌🏻

🧩🦏: I appreciate the kind words, thanks.

🧛: I just looked at your amazing profile , i would like to tag you with your posts on my pages ? Confirm with me if you're interested ..📒!

🧛: I am the owner of all these pages.....👇🏼😊

🧛: @xxxx @xxxx @xxxx @xxxx

🧛: Warm regards xxxx 📚💛

🧛: Upto 500k people are connected with us , they all will notice your books 📚 , I will upload your book on my pages and my websites and tag you in it ,As the story and post will reach 500k+ readers 📖 , that's why the sales of your book will be increase and you will get to see good results.....😊👍

🧛: So, are you interested in a feature 📚😊?

🧩🦏: Interesting. What is the difference among these four profiles?

24 hours pass...

🧩🦏: Hello?

🧛: All profiles have different audiences

🧛: Sure! We charge a very reasonable price as compared to the wonders that your page will experience.

🧛: Can I tell you the price? Which currency you have?

🧩🦏: US dollars and yes, I'm curious about the price levels. What would I expect for $100? $500? $1000? If you have a pricing sheet I'd be interested in seeing it.

🧛: Sure! Here are my proposal :?

🧛: [ 2 permanent posts and Continuously story for a week + permanent highlights + Mention in bio ~$55 ] ?

🧛: Post will stay lifetime on our page!?

🧩🦏: That's much cheaper than I expected. What information do you have about your audience? How do I know my book will be reaching interested readers?

🧛: Would you like to see my previous client's reviews?

🧩🦏: Of course! And links to their book pages, please, so I can confirm.

🧛: Here are some of my previous client's reviews:-

Sends five screenshots of Instagram conversations. Yep, looks 1000% legit... assuming I took my Gullible Pills this morning.

🧩🦏: Those certainly read very positively. I'd like to see actual sales information, though. I don't doubt that someone typed those reviews.

🧛: You can be absolutely assured about sales 😊👍, you will get excellent results 👍

🧩🦏:

Assurance is nice. How do you track conversions? It's important to me to know the source of my sales so I can focus my marketing.

Days pass with no reply.

🧩🦏: Right. So what I'm getting from this conversation is that you run a lot of IG profiles which will follow an account for a price, and your proof of actual sales boosts is screenshots of a chat exchange between yourself and another account where you've borrowed parts of an author profile.

🧩🦏: You have no data, no proof, and no chance of parting me from any sum of money. Farewell.

Blocked and reported, including the three other related accounts.

Episode II: "Oh great"

🧛: Hi there 😊 good to meet you! Just sending a quick hello. Hope everything is going well on your side.

🧩🦏: All is well, thanks, and the same back to you. Keep writing!

🧛: Thank you
Are your books on Amazon?

🧩🦏: Yes, and once the exclusivity period expires, I go wide with other distributors as well.

🧛: Oh great
Kindly share me the link

🧩🦏: I keep all available purchase options updated on my books.puzzledrhino.com page, linked from my Bio.

🧛: Great
How is your book sale going?

🧩🦏: As well as I expected without marketing behind it. I'm focusing my energies on getting a deeper catalog in place.

🧛: Oh great
Wishing you a great start to December! [3 hours later]

🧛: I checked out your book on Goodreads, but there are no reviews on it.

🧩🦏: Nor Amazon. I thrive on consistency.

🧛: I can help you get honest reviews from real readers. Reviews boost visibility and help attract more buyers.

🧩🦏: Interesting. Can you summarize the process? What would I need to do?

🧛: It’s easy, I share your book with real readers who enjoy your genre, and they post honest reviews. All I need is your Goodreads link. It’s $5 per Goodreads review.

🧩🦏: What does that mean, exactly: "share" my book how? A link? The contents?

🧛: I send your book link directly to interested readers so they can read it themselves and leave honest feedback. Should we get started?

🧩🦏: Hold on. What assurance do I have that this isn't AI generated reviews? I could make hundreds of real-sounding reviews in a few minutes. I want readers, not slop.

🧛: No, they're not ai They're real readers

🧩🦏: I'm still confused about how this works. The ebook costs around $4 US right now. If I gave you $5 per review, and real readers are reading the book, are they actually purchasing a copy? With the original $5? Are you somehow purchasing for them? I would like to understand the logistics.

🧛: I don’t buy your book for anyone, and I don’t generate reviews myself. I simply share your book with my private reader group. Whoever is interested reads it through their own Goodreads account or Kindle Unlimited and leaves an honest review.

🧛:I made this for you


Do you like it?

[AI slop made from my cover, like someone took the art and twisted the dial to "blend"]

🧩🦏:

Honestly, this is insulting considering the amount of effort that I put into all my works. I see no reason to continue the conversation or pay for your dubious "genuine reviews." I wont pay for slop.

Sorry, I'm not using AI for this work or any of my marketing. This has clearly been made by AI.

Blocked and reported for "selling reviews."

Episode III: "Noo the ai will not be used anywhere"

🧛: Hey Michael, appreciate the followback. Hope you're having a great day!
seem like you also love reading books, right?

🧩🦏: I do. I think it's important for authors to also be readers. Otherwise we're just creating in a vacuum, and life doesn’t thrive in a vacuum.

🧛: absolutely
what kind of story are you writing?

🧩🦏:

🧛:

🧩🦏: A wide mix. Works in progress are on my site https://books.puzzledrhino.com

🧛: That's awesome
how's the work going with the book titled Trouble ?

🧩🦏: It's going well, out for Beta readers now who are supplying feedback. Once those are in I use the replies to polish it up before the final edit rounds. I've got plenty of other works in the air while that's happening.

🧛: That's good to hear
did I told you about myself?

🧩🦏: Not yet, no. I assume you're an editor of some kind. [There's an AI generated rendering of an editing session on the profile, with many obvious "tells" in the art]

🧛: I'm a book consultant and I help authors from writing till marketing of their book
Is there any way you feel we could collaborate or brainstorm ideas?

🧩🦏: That would first depend on what that collaboration would look like. Would AI be used at any point?

🧛: Noo the ai will not be used anywhere
do you have any plans how you'll be promoting your book and on which platform you'll be publishing?

🧩🦏:

I plan to use the same platforms as the current book, meaning that I'm going wide at launch. I'm working on rounding out my catalog to stretch my promotion budget.

I asked about AI mainly because of the obvious use on your few posts here.

🧛: Perfect that's amazing

yeah fair enough, don't worry about it you won't be getting anything which is done by ai
by the way, is there anytime we can have a call to discuss your book project in detail?

🧩🦏:

Well, hold up. I dont know a thing about you, your clients, your experience, or your credentials. What service, specifically, are you offering? I need something tangible.

As I said, all I see so far is a new profile with AI art. This doesn’t fill me with confidence.

🧛: Fair question. I help authors across ghostwriting, publishing support, and marketing specifically turning books into assets that can actually be promotedIn your case, I think I’d be most valuable by creating marketing visuals, either from your existing cover or from a fresh concept that fits the book and wide launch platformsI’ll create one customized promo visual so you can directly judge the quality, usefulness, and fit before we talk about anything further

🧩🦏: [Ugh, no more slop, please] Do you have samples of work you've done? A site? I don't want to take your time.

🧛: Books Published :
some Amazon links
Author website :
A site

Here you go
Also could you share that with your book project where do you feel that you'll need help is it publishing or the marketing to get sales of the book?

🧩🦏: I'm not looking for help.

🧛: Alright
Can I recommend your book to my friends?

🧩🦏:

I'm not sure why you'd need my permission to do that? You're free to recommend the book I have out now, and when the new one is ready, you may read it and form your own opinions on it then.

I'm not sure how you intend to recommend something that isn't even copyedited yet, much less in ARC.

🧛: Thank you and it's just my thing to take permission
By the way, may I know the reason what's stopping you to work with me? If it's trust issue then you can test with no cost and if you like it we can explore ways to collaborate, if that sounds fair

🧩🦏: So far I see no compelling reason to work with you...

  • You're basically anonymous with no online presence I can detect
  • Amazon links don't tell me a thing about your actual clientele or your role
  • You're vague about services: there's certain key terms for people who offer specific services, and I've yet to hear any of them from you
  • "Promote to my friends" similarly means nothing to me: what friends, promote how? Promote what?

Lots of vagueness, no tangible details at all, a profile that is clearly and obviously using AI, and very lazily to boot.

And the main reason -- you're at least the third person to approach me with the exact same "services" offer in as many months. You won't state anything, and despite promises otherwise, I suspect you're one of the many people who run the text of a manuscript through ChatGPT and hand it back as "editing services."

Nobody approaches an indie author with a "deal" like this. Nobody.

Maybe you're legitimate. Maybe I'm wrong. But literally every aspect of this conversation has been a huge red flag.

If I've made a mistake, I'll live with that. But we're done.

Blocked

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